On a side note

I have been doing this detox with Jordan for almost 5 weeks. Four of those weeks, he has been strictly fruit. After week two, I struggled to get the suggested herbs and minerals in him without concerns of setbacks or inflammation. I have not been able to get him to ingest 6000 calories of fruit. Just yesterday, I almost broke 4000. He is not able to drink 1 gallon of juice per day because he is in school. I am not sure how well he is doing in school at that. There have been no calls home or anything of that nature, but that is not what I think about. I worry about his mental health seeing everyone around him eating foods he would like, but he has to consume nothing but fruit. It is the same thing at home, but typically, he is in his room when we are eating. 

I get frustrated when I see Jordan calm one day and the next he is off the walls. However, I do not see the same results as I used to see. Before when I would give him something that should help lessen symptoms, they would work for a day or two, and then he would go back to normal permanently. This time is different. Tuesday, he was extremely calm in the AM. He did not stim after speaking with him as he usually does. Yesterday was a different story. He was jumping, and excited and old behaviors came back. This morning, he started off stimming so much he could not even get dressed in a decent time because of it. After about five minutes, I went upstairs to force him to get his uniform pants on because the bus would be coming soon. But when he got downstairs, he was calm, like he was Tuesday morning. It's kind of mind-boggling, but not.

But, for the last several weeks, I have had to make sure he gets enough fruits to receive nutrients. Just recently, I have to make sure he gets the tinctures every half hour to get everything in his system he should have for the day and get as much juice in him as I can. I put him in the sauna, dry brush, give him a guasha scrub and prepare his Epsom salt bath. Yet, I still have home responsibilities. Also, my dad just had hip surgery. There is concern about that, so I stay on standby to help my mom if needed. I have to keep up with my youngest daughter's schooling to ensure she does not fall behind because none of my issues are her issues, and she needs the same amount of attention. I'm not stressed, but I'm stressed.

One of the reasons is that I often think about if what I am doing for Jordan is the right thing? I want to give him food, and it's hard to see him only eat fruit even though he is not asking for warm food. I also wonder, am I handling other aspects of my life in a godly way? Am I taking care of myself? Because I'm no good if I'm no good. Am I doing enough to maintain my home? I know cooking has taken a back seat. That is mainly because my daughter's bus comes around 5 ish, and when I get in from picking her up from the bus stop, I have to deal with Jordan in some fashion. Another reason why is because I'm so focused on this detox with him; any moment I have to myself, I take. Cooking for a couple of hours is not something I enjoy doing anymore. And if I ever did, the feeling is definitely gone now,

But God. Despite these feelings, I'm still making it work. My family still eats, has clean clothes, and I make sure that if I don't do my cleaning on my designated day, it gets done shortly after. Even my fish are still having their tank vacuumed, and water and filter changes when appropriate. Not because I'm so great, but because God is. He is seeing me through this and will see me through much more. So thankful He's by my side. Is He by yours? You and I may be hanging on by a thread, but if God is that thread, it is the most vital thread you could ever hang on to.