Last night and this morning I wrestled with whether or not I was going share what had been weighing heavily on my mind for the last few days. This morning FBCG posted a quote that answered my question. The caption was if God can only use you when your life is good, you aren't worth using. Some parts of my life are great while others could use a lot of help. While I'm not quite where I want to be, I'm feeling a little better today. You see when you are on the path God created for you, you deal with the enemy coming at you in ways that he knows will effect you. Personally, I get a dark cloud over my head. And it rains down on me all the things I hold in. Things that are "Unchristian like." Things that are better left unsaid because as the scripture says i
n Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV) "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back." Because of my willingness to be obedient and not give into the things I chose to let go of now that I have found my direction, I am now being distracted by what really bothers me.
Things with the diet are going well. Jordan asks for plenty of foods he can not have, but it's not a struggle to tell him no because he says okay and moves on. Actually the requests are becoming less. I hope to move move to stage two of the diet soon. I've taken so long to implement everything needed for stage one, I feel he shouldn't have any problems getting anything new that the second stage requires. This weekend I will be making yogurt, the last thing needed to add in stage one. I have done my research on how to make it. The yogurt maker that I purchased came in yesterday. So on my weekly trip to the farm this weekend, after I rearrange my schedule for Buddy Break, I will purchase milk as well to get started on that process. My hopes is that he doesn't show a sensitivity when I do the test and we can move on to stage two in the middle of the week. Stage 2 requires adding raw egg yolk and some other things I don't have memorized yet. I have decided to stay away from the night shade vegetables. While on the computer last night, his verbal stimming was a little more pronounced than other days. Since he has shown to have a problem with tomatoes, which is a nightshade vegetable as well, I will just keep them away for the time being.
Since starting the diet, I have been focused on it majority of my days. I have to make new batches of soup about every other day because the ratio of meat to stock is off. I am looking to invest in bigger pots so I can have more broth. I am constantly researching what is next after adding something new like the sauerkraut and ginger tea. I get myself prepared to move to the next level so I'm not going into it confused or unsure about what I am doing. So it's safe to say the diet is the only thing that has been on my mind for the last 2 ½ weeks. Throw in still taking care of home, bills, kids, grandchildren, etc, etc. I literally have no time to think about me. I have no means to unwind because what I do is 24/7. I am expected to be strong and handle everything and not buckle under pressure. I am responsible for everything and feel it's too much to ask for someone to do something with me in mind without me having to nudge them. To be honest, I literally have feelings to destroy everything around me at times. I fight urges to throw things within my reach just because. There is so much rage filling me daily because people around me choose to be oblivious to my needs. Or better yet, act as if I don't have any. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal.
"And my God shall supply all your need according to His riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 (NKJV). When I get revitalized, it's only because I look to the Lord. My faith in people has diminished to the point where I feel like I don't need them at all. I keep to myself unless I am working with my children in church or my own kids. God calls for us to be relational. Yet, dealing with others has always been a let down because I have yet to meet a person like me. Not that I am anything special, but I tend to bend over backwards to help and those same folks do just what is necessary in their eyes. At some point you just say forget it and not want to do anything for anyone anymore. But because that's not the person you are, you keep on just to keep being let down. I'm mentally tired. I want to breakdown and I literally can not. So I keep looking to where my help cometh. It cometh from the Lord. He is the only one that keeps my clothed and in my right mind.
Last night and this morning I wrestled with whether or not I was going share what had been weighing heavily on my mind for the last few days. This morning FBCG posted a quote that answered my question. The caption was if God can only use you when your life is good, you aren't worth using. Some parts of my life are great while others could use a lot of help. While I'm not quite where I want to be, I'm feeling a little better today. You see when you are on the path God created for you, you deal with the enemy coming at you in ways that he knows will effect you. Personally, I get a dark cloud over my head. And it rains down on me all the things I hold in. Things that are "Unchristian like." Things that are better left unsaid because as the scripture says in Proverbs 29:11 (NKJV) "A fool vents all his feelings, But a wise man holds them back." Because of my willingness to be obedient and not give into the things I chose to let go of now that I have found my direction, I am now being distracted by what really bothers me.
Things with the diet are going well. Jordan asks for plenty of foods he can not have, but it's not a struggle to tell him no because he says okay and moves on. Actually the requests are becoming less. I hope to move move to stage two of the diet soon. I've taken so long to implement everything needed for stage one, I feel he shouldn't have any problems getting anything new that the second stage requires. This weekend I will be making yogurt, the last thing needed to add in stage one. I have done my research on how to make it. The yogurt maker that I purchased came in yesterday. So on my weekly trip to the farm this weekend, after I rearrange my schedule for Buddy Break, I will purchase milk as well to get started on that process. My hopes is that he doesn't show a sensitivity when I do the test and we can move on to stage two in the middle of the week. Stage 2 requires adding raw egg yolk and some other things I don't have memorized yet. I have decided to stay away from the night shade vegetables. While on the computer last night, his verbal stimming was a little more pronounced than other days. Since he has shown to have a problem with tomatoes, which is a nightshade vegetable as well, I will just keep them away for the time being.
Since starting the diet, I have been focused on it majority of my days. I have to make new batches of soup about every other day because the ratio of meat to stock is off. I am looking to invest in bigger pots so I can have more broth. I am constantly researching what is next after adding something new like the sauerkraut and ginger tea. I get myself prepared to move to the next level so I'm not going into it confused or unsure about what I am doing. So it's safe to say the diet is the only thing that has been on my mind for the last 2 ½ weeks. Throw in still taking care of home, bills, kids, grandchildren, etc, etc. I literally have no time to think about me. I have no means to unwind because what I do is 24/7. I am expected to be strong and handle everything and not buckle under pressure. I am responsible for everything and feel it's too much to ask for someone to do something with me in mind without me having to nudge them. To be honest, I literally have feelings to destroy everything around me at times. I fight urges to throw things within my reach just because. There is so much rage filling me daily because people around me choose to be oblivious to my needs. Or better yet, act as if I don't have any. I'm not sure how much longer I can deal.
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