As many of you may know last year I took a study course in my church, The First Baptist Church of Glenarden, called DDS. This class helped me build my relationship with Christ and also taught me how to be one of His disciples. I got a lot of great knowledge from the class and met some really wonderful ladies along the way that I am still into contact with DAILY as of today. But being an ATF (assistant to the facilitator) is teaching me in a different way how to continue to build my relationship with God.
Being in the class I was responsible for me. My work, how I followed through with the lesson and actually completed the activities I was supposed to do each week. I admit I didn't go out and befriend those that where non-Christians because I was a little uneasy about disturbing my neighbors with my faith and worried it may strain the relationship. But that was not the only reason why. I wanted to have my home in order first. I don't know if any of them notices when I head to church every Sunday it's just me or me and my youngest daughter. I don't know if they pay attention to when I go to Communion it's just me or Bible study it's me, Kai and Jordan. It's hard to want to tell them about the word of God and what He's done for me and I have a household of people who aren't following as I am. It doesn't really set a good example. I wanted to get home in order before I tried to explain to those in my community why they should consider God. I'm not against doing it at all and I actually tried with my son's former bus driver. I think I miss a lot of opportunities to witness and that's an action that I will be working on soon.
Now being an ATF is completely different. I am to hold the group of 5 ladies at my table accountable. I am to reinforce all the teacher will instruct them to do during these next 10 months. Now how can I expect them to do something I'm not even doing myself. Back when I was in class the ladies at my table came together every morning at 5:45 am for 15 minutes to pray for one another. We gave a list of prayers we all wanted one another to pray for and did it faithfully up until the end of the class. Technically we are all still supposed to be doing it. They say once you have done something for 21 days straight it becomes a habit. It didn't with me. I wasn't even practicing what I learned in the first book about giving God the firstfruits of the day. All that had to change if I was to be an example for those who were looking to me for guidance. So I started praying at 6:00 am every morning and reading my daily devotional right after. No matter how tired I am I have to practice what I am preaching. By doing that, I have found a peace within me that I never thought I would see.
For years I have struggled with not feeling appreciated or loved the way I needed to be loved. I know my love language, and it hasn't changed, but learning to deny myself of things I want or need has allowed me to not expect anything from anyone and has given me peace because I am not frustrated or angry when I don't get what I think I deserve. I am no longer having anxiety attacks or the feeling that my heart was going to give out on me because of the stress it was taking on. And I hope that it all shows a different person from what I used to be. The person who use to be easily bothered is more easy going and better to work with. Being angry and upset about things out of my control was a terrible way to live. This way is much better for me. I bet you are asking what does this have to do with Autism. I'll tell you.
When I was focused on me and that lack of what I was receiving from others it was taking a toll on my heart. As I explained earlier I used to have panic and anxiety attacks. At times when I wasn't even upset my heart used to feel like it was working overtime. It would beat fast for no reason or once in awhile it would beat extra hard. I truly felt like it was about to give up on me. If my heart were to fail I wouldn't be here to continue on with the purpose God has for my life. Being the caretaker to a child who is autistic and helping within the special needs ministry. We have to live in His word because He is the truth. I had to deny myself.
Ephesians 4:21-24 21"if indeed you have heard Him and have been taught by Him, as the truth is in Jesus: 22 that you put off, concerning your former conduct, the old man which grows corrupt according to the deceitful lusts, 23 and be renewed in the spirit of your mind, 24 and that you put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness."
I came across that scripture not to long after I changed my way which was God's confirmation to me that I am on the right path. Just as DDS class was confirmation for me that I was on the right path to treating my son because of how my book and the first book, the disciple's cross, corresponded with one another. I just can't begin to tell you how good my God has been to me. A week ago I felt like I was dying and His word gave me life. I luh God!
For years I have struggled with not feeling appreciated or loved the way I needed to be loved. I know my love language, and it hasn't changed, but learning to deny myself of things I want or need has allowed me to not expect anything from anyone and has given me peace because I am not frustrated or angry when I don't get what I think I deserve. I am no longer having anxiety attacks or the feeling that my heart was going to give out on me because of the stress it was taking on. And I hope that it all shows a different person from what I used to be. The person who use to be easily bothered is more easy going and better to work with. Being angry and upset about things out of my control was a terrible way to live. This way is much better for me. I bet you are asking what does this have to do with Autism. I'll tell you.
