Well, here I am, awake at 2:45 am. This was the first time in a while that I had fallen asleep, but I could not stay asleep. Even my trick of clearing my mind to fall asleep did not work. I have many things on my mind tonight. Probably too many to let go of, but I'll address the one you may be most concerned with, which is my Jordan.
In my last post, I considered letting go of all the remedies, diets, and whatnot to let him be as he is and not try to recover a "typical" teenager. As you know, that thought crushed me. I spoke to several people about this decision. A family member who said maybe it is time. His holistic doctor who told me that she had a minimal amount of recovered patients but helped many in the area of behavior and assured me there were no guarantees on restoration. And my husband, who thought it a long time ago, said to me, who would I be if I didn't continue? Because that's what I do.
My hubby and I had an in-depth conversation about my thoughts. He gave me so much insight by reminding me that although things have not worked out as planned, Jordan is healthier. Because of Jordan's immune system, he was really concerned when we caught covid. And was unsure how things would go with him but was happy Jordan bounced back like he did. Don was the main one I thought would tell me to let it go. But he never told me to give up, even though he finances every aspect of Jordan's care.
I also spoke with my DDS sisters about it, who encouraged me to keep going. When I spoke with them, I told them that I had not heard God say give up. But I needed that confirmation from them. One of them told me that most people give up just before their breakthrough. And as many times as I've seen the cartoon analogy, I never thought about it when I had second thoughts about continuing. What a blessing these ladies are.
After meeting with them that day and returning home, I noticed something about Jordan that I had not paid attention to before. Before chelation, Jordan used to repeat something I said to him, and I would have to reply to him, "That's what I said." I did not realize that had stopped until he did it after I told him dinner was ready. His actions that night were something that I had not gotten from him in a long while, and I failed to see the improvement. I only saw it because he hasn't had chelation for two weekends in a row. So not receiving the pills on time was not a sign to give up. It allowed me to see the progress made because I questioned if it was helping.
We often don't think our prayers are being answered because we don't see results. We are so busy looking for something big to happen that we ignore the things that may have been removed. The little things are important too. And if I can be honest, the fact that Jordan did not need repetition and his echolalia was gone IS NOT LITTLE. I'm just sitting here shaking my head at myself for questioning what God led me to. I have seen the benefits of chelation in the past, and from the recent information I gathered from learning about amalgam illness, I should have known better than to doubt it.
Then again, maybe I had to have that question so He could show me He is still God and He still moves on my behalf. Even in those days when I don't see it.
Romans 8:28 stays with me a lot. "
And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." This was a great example of that because even though there was a slight, and I do mean slight, regression, it worked out for good because it opened my eyes to what I was missing. Thank you, Jesus.
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