Changes...

When I wrote my last blog entry, I was in kind of a bad place. I was very bothered by Jordan's lack of progress with the fast, along with other issues I had just in life. I don't think I even gave scripture to go along with the lesson I felt God was giving me. To be honest, I don't really remember anything about the blog, what I said or what I learned spiritually. I just know I was not as close to God as I should be and needed to fix that real quick.

All Jordan things aside, I needed to change my mindset, yet again. I go through this every so often. It is like I don't learn my lesson at all. I have a way of looking forward and thinking about the worst of things. How the traits of someone will let me down, and before it even happens, I am upset. As my pastor says, I need to change my stinking thinking. I have to stop putting my expectations in people and trust in God, at all times (Psalm 62:8). Knowing He has all things worked out and for good (Romans 8:28) and doesn't allow things to happen because something better is in store (Hebrews 11:40), and He will supply me with all I need (Philippians 4:19).

Getting back to Jordan, changing my thought process, did not do anything about the issues I faced with him, but it did keep me from looking at things as if I failed and kept me from giving up. I have seen improvement in Jordan many times. From weight gain to tics being removed. I know we can get there again. It also made me remember to focus on what good has come from the fast. Philippians 4:8, "Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy--meditate on these things." Jordan would bite his nails down so far that there was not much nail on his finger at all. That and the skin around his nails, he would peel until it bled. As of today, there has been no nail or cuticle biting since the fast. His fingernails have grown beyond the tips of his fingers, and he is no longer asking for Neosporin and band-aids. A small accomplishment, but there was something in him that made him keep that habit that is no longer there. Because of that, I know I can figure this out.

We also learned in this process that Jordan was sneaking food, or should I say icing, I did not want to believe that he was doing such things. Still, when the boxes of strudel are missing their bags of frosting, and the gingerbread houses we were supposed to build for Christmas were opened and icing missing and knowing Jordan's love for cake, he was the obvious suspect. So that means there were probably more things he was going after that we were not aware of. Which means that the strict alkaline diet he was on, would be hindered because he was still getting things that could be mucus-forming or acidic. We have had to zip-tie our fridge and hide the key to the locks on the cabinet so he can not get to these things anymore. Last night I noticed a change in his vocal stimming/jargon. He also did not jerk as much at bedtime as he has in nights prior, although it took him almost two hours to go to sleep.

We have been locking up the refrigerator for about a week now. Watching Jordan when he is eating to make sure he is not sneaking anything at that time and when he goes in the kitchen to wash his hands after using the bathroom as well. He refuses to use the bathroom sink. I needed this fast to fail because I needed to see just what was going on to make the changes I needed to make. It so funny how things seem to make no sense, yet make sense when you think about it from God's perspective (Proverbs 3:5). Also, when you stray from the path you are supposed to be on (his diet), how much it can disrupt your plans and send you in a downward spiral (no changes). Obedience is better than sacrifice (1 Samuel 15:22). And if I can keep Jordan eating only from the nutritional guide suggested by Dr. Sebi, maybe he won't need to sacrifice food. Time will tell.