Counterproductive

The week before school was due to let back it, I went to the MOM store to restock Jordan's food. I also purchased the macaroni and cheese he loved. After a few days he seemed to be more active and stemming increased. When he would sit while watching the computer, he made many verbal noises where the week prior he was much more calm. The only thing that changed in his diet was the macaroni and cheese, which happens to be only gluten free, not casein free. I noticed this change last time I gave it to him, but thought that somehow the annatto added for color was an issue. But because it was listed to be safe to consume on the Feingold foods list, I decided to allow him to have it again. I now realize that it wasn't the added color, but it is now possible that he has become reactive to casein. It's it only thing I have to go on because he doesn't get dairy from anything else. Not on pizzas, not on cheeseburgers nor on homemade hamburger helper. He also doesn't get milk. Somewhere along the line I guess his gut has become more damaged that it can't handle that as well. Now I have to make sure his diet is GF/CF even though for the most part he was CF anyway.

When he started back at school Tuesday after last having casein Sunday he was a little out of character for two days. At home the stemming was still pronounced. It was almost as if there was some regression. Now I'm not sure how long the casein should have an effect on him, but I was thinking because he didn't have much, it shouldn't be a prolonged one. However, Friday wasn't a good day for him. I had to think back to what else changed when he went back to school that he didn't get the weeks he was out of school on break. I didn't have to think hard because there was only one thing. Inositol. I wanted him to take something calming to keep him well behaved at school. What I didn't take into consideration was that is what the diet is supposed to do. God showed me this is the diet Jordan needs to be on to help with his negative behaviors, and yet I felt the need to continue with a supplement for mood. It showed I had no faith in what God told me to do would work. No wonder there was a small set back. Being on the diet, he doesn't need the supplement because he was calm. It didn't have a negative effect on him, because it is a natural supplement. But this was God showing me I didn't trust in what He said. With that being said, Jordan will no longer need the Inositol and it will be removed from his regime.

This week was our church's New Years Revival. Three great nights of the word, and one leadership training, taught me it may not be my turn but it is my time, gave me a recipe for an effective ministry, told me my battle is my bread and taught me about hunger, but not a natural hunger. However, I believe this morning's message was more powerful than those. I only say that because of what has transpired in my life over that last 3 years. As you know I have tried many different things to help with Jordan's behaviors. Some seemed to work, some didn't. I felt at one time I could just give up. I was tired of the notes home and reprimanding him when he acted up at home. I wanted to say to hell with the diet, treatment with supplements and just let everything be. But God. I wouldn't be where I am with Him today had I not stuck with it. The message I received today, entitled the ministry of the cave, tied in every word I received over the weekend. I don't want to pass on the guest pastors message as my own, but what I will do is break it down and explain it from my situation, my point of view, and hope it can help you in whatever it is you are going through.

When you think about a cave, you think about a dark, cold and lonely place where you don't want to be. In 1 Samuel David was sought out by Saul because he recognized an anointing on him and wanted to kill him. In chapter 22 David escapes to a cave and those who heard about it who were distressed, in debt and discontented followed him there. The key word here is escapes. Most times when you end up in a cave, it is because you have escaped something. To escape means to miss an intended danger. So realistically, you want to be in a cave because the alternative could be death. David ministered to those who followed him even though he was going through his own struggles. If I could only give you updates on when things are looking great as far as Jordan and all I am doing to overcome this, I would be of no service to you because reality isn't always glory. It wouldn't help if you didn't see my trials but always saw my victory. That isn't the truth, His truth. The word also said I need to walk with maturity while dealing with misery. I am living with situations I know God can change, but He hasn't. Sometimes I don't understand why, but now I know that God is complimenting me. He sees I am mature enough. Even though I am far from Job, I don't curse God when there is a setback or when I feel God can easily move me out of my situation. Instead I continue to seek Him and praise Him because of who He is and what He has done sofar. Psalm 34:1 "I will bless the Lord at all times; His praise shall continually be in my mouth." Even though I could have been distraught because of the regression, I had a different attitude and God revealed to me how I was being counterproductive by giving the supplements. Lesson learned.