The waiting game

Hebrews 4:15 "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, 

so are my ways higher than your ways, 

and my thoughts than your thoughts"

As I sit here gazing out of the window waiting for Jordan to get home from ESY, I'm thinking about the increased dosage of his DMSA. What really comes to mind is that I remember when his lead levels were see-sawing, he showed many improvements and advancements. Whether it be eye contact, showing to be more independent, or even his language development. I was a little sad because I haven't seen much of that lately. He did ask me when it was time to get some of his supplements on a chelation weekend if it was time for chelation. I told him let's take some medicine and when he grabbed his cup he said "chelation." It makes a difference because with the DMSA I give it in juice. Everything else he takes in water. It was good to see him notice a difference. But everyday I check that communication notebook for some great improvement while in school and nothing for the last week. It was giving me the impression that nothing was going on. That the medications weren't working anymore.

But then it hit me. When his levels were consistently going down for the past year or so before the last results where they went up only by 2 points, his achievements weren't that big. Small things here and there, but for the most part it almost seemed like he was at a standstill. This isn't necessarily a bad thing. You see I would rather not see the improvements when I am administering medications and see the improvements on paper, that his lead levels are going down. And when God works in your favor, you don't see how He's working, you just see the end result. Before I could say I was seeing how He was working, but the end result wasn't want I was hoping for. I think that's because I wanted the proof that what He was doing was working. Then I came across 2 Corinthians 5:7 "For we live by faith, not by sight." Now that I have the faith, things have shifted. I know He's got something big planned and instead of asking for proof, I have faith. And to me to have faith is better than to have proof any day. I know that my end result will be what I need it to be because of what He has shown me in the duration of the treatment we have be going through.

So now when I am giving him medicines, although it is good to see big strides, I do not get upset when there is something which makes me doubt what I am doing. Instead I hold onto what I have seen from past results. That when I am not seeing many positive changes in Jordan, that can be a good thing. His levels have shown that when there is no physical improvements on the outside, there is great improvement on the inside. So even when it seems like I am down to nothing and it won’t get better, I have the knowledge to know, and the faith to believe that God is up to something and I need not to worry. He always has my back.