My God

Last night I was in a little bit of a funk. Jordan had been doing exceptionally well up until a few days after his doctor's appointment. His strides included doing things one time when I usually had to ask him more than once to do them. Like, plug in the charger to his Chromebook when he sees the battery is about to die. He even stopped asking for a second kiss when I would give him one. And during a virtual learning session, his teacher asked 4+4, and he answered 8 with no hesitation. The tics and stimming were minimal. But soon, things changed.

Usually, when Jordan starts to regress a little, I can give him an enema, sauna, and Epsom salt bath, and things go back. However, when I did it this time, things stayed the same. I asked him what was 4+4 and got all kinds of answers. I even asked him his age, and he didn't respond to that correctly either. The only thing he answered me right was his birthday. I tried to put myself at ease about that encounter by thinking he was not in the position to be learning, or because it wasn't written down, he had problems because he is more visual. I even said it was because he was getting ready to eat, and we all know how that boy is about his food. It didn't help, though. I still found myself in tears.

I recanted everything that changed to figure out what could be the reason these things stuck around longer than usual. There was only one thing, the brand of quinoa that I got Jordan right before this happened was different than the one I always buy. I considered it a problem but wasn't totally convinced it was the issue. I did not think it could be a big deal because quinoa is quinoa, right? Well, it isn't.

Quinoa is naturally gluten-free, but it can be cross-contaminated, which puts it into contact with things that have gluten. When I looked at the bag, it did not say gluten-free. Not even made in a facility that processes gluten. Nothing. So yeah, there's that. Even though his system had been doing well when he would get foods that would typically affect him, he was getting this once, sometimes twice a day. So I will remove that and will monitor him.

I prayed about it, which is something I generally do anyway, to make sure every day I am aware that I can NOT do this on my own, and I need God's guidance throughout this entire process. But this morning, while waiting for his bus, I jumped on FaceBook just to see my notifications. I do not do FaceBook often, let alone that early in the morning. But, one of the first posts I saw was from an alumni member of the detox program I put Jordan through. She questioned other alumni about the maintenance detox. Face slap. 

I thought about starting the detox again because there is room for things to reverse even though he is eating healthy. After all, complete healing of his gut never took place. I know that because I can tell he is still not holding on to nutrients. But back to the maintenance detox. Seeing it and going to the website to see there is something I can do right now gave me peace. The peace that I prayed to God for. 

God, I thank You for being who you are. You have trusted me with one of Your children. I know I am not perfect in what I do, but I know with your help and guidance, I will please you. Thank you for allowing me to have my "moment" last night but getting me back on track this morning (Psalm 30:5). I do not take for granted Your love for me and how all things work together for Your good (Romans 8:28). Thank you for being a good, good Father. Amen