Understanding Autism

There are many people who are doing an excellent job trying to educate the community on Autism. I know it is a great cause, but never really knew just how great until last night.

My giggly and now noticeably taller than me 14-year-old boy was in the kitchen with me while I was finishing up his dinner. He asked me to go to the store for broccoli to add to his chicken because it wasn't in its usual spot due to the size of the bag. I told him this and he looked in the second place I keep it and was satisfied. However, because he also has brussel sprouts, he wanted to make sure he was getting the vegetable he asked for. I was not aware that is why he needed to be in the kitchen at that time, but pushing him out is not something I do anyway unless it is called for. 

Jordan's father was also in the kitchen and was getting ready to make himself something to eat. We have locks on the cabinets to keep Jordan from getting at certain items we know he loves like chips, cookies, and popcorn. While he is still free to get into the refrigerator, we are not that concerned about locking that. Although I should be now. The other day Jordan seemed to be a little off and I asked him if he has anything he was not supposed to have and he did respond with "cheese". I was not quite sure if what I was seeing in him was food sensitivity related but after opening a jar of cheese dip and seeing finger marks in it, I was right.

So back to last night. His dad wanted him to leave the kitchen, but Jordan was defiant and did not want to leave. He was showing signs that it was going to lead to a meltdown that I was not ready to handle. My body was physically hurting at this point and I did not have the mental ability to handle it. Normally the key is out of site, especially when he is home and free to roam about. But the key was visible which is why I did not think it would be a big deal to explain to my husband why Jordan should be able to stay, especially seeing the way he was headed. As his mother and caretaker, sometimes I can see these things coming a mile away, sometimes they sneak up on me. And if I can catch it before it happens it alleviates a lot of stress for me. Sadly others don't have the view I have.

Dad was cool about the whole situation, kind of. He left the kitchen so Jordan could stay, but never returned to eat after I was done. Later I asked if he was going to eat and he said he was not going to worry about it because he got kicked out of the kitchen. And instead of explaining what his wants were at that time, or waiting until later, he just opted to say forget it. I would think at this point my reasons for doing things were understood. After Jordan received his new bike for Christmas I wanted to take him and his sister riding and dad came along. Before we left he needed to put deodorant on and wanted me to do so, but dad told him to do it and come on and that was the beginning of a not so joyful day at the school. Dad felt Jordan would get over it once he got up there and started riding. I wanted to believe that. However, once there, Jordan did not ride like I know he can and let his bike fall over a few times because of his frustration. I ended up taking him home well before we wanted to leave. I believe I put deodorant on him once we got home but he practically begged to go back and we did. He was much better afterward. 

On another occasion we were all going out to eat for my daughters 19th birthday, my mother included, and Jordan has a seat he always sits in when he is not in the front. Dad wanted him to sit in another. Now we definitely do not want a struggle while in the restaurant, but it seems as if my requests feel more like pushback because of the lack of understanding. It is a frustrating ordeal because I'm starting to feel like the way I need to handle my son is becoming a burden. No matter how many times what I say is the truth, it is not believed.

I do not want to compare myself to God, but what I am going through feels like when people know the word of God, but choose not to follow what it teaches because it does not fit in with their program. They believe things can happen differently if you do it the way they think it should be done. I honestly do not have a choice to do things the way I do with Jordan because I am left with the consequences if I stray. Same things with God's word. If you are not IN his word, following the instructions He gives, changing the way you do things and do things in the way He says, you will continue to have the same problems over and over again. There are a lot of things we think makes sense and the way God wants us to do it does not. But when has God ever been wrong? I have to remind myself of Proverbs 3:5-6 every day. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He shall direct your paths". I wish all people understood that, especially when it comes to Autism.