For the first time
Last night was I think thee worse night dealing with Jordan and this thing called autism. We are doing treatments; chelation, supplements, diet, so I know things have to get worse before it gets better, but what happens when you have someone who makes the situations worse for you?
You see Jordan just finished his third round this past Sunday and because of the conflict I want to say this is the last. But to say this is it might keep him where he is with the OCD which has really become a problem, especially since yesterday. Leaving out the bathroom with him has become like a 5-10 second ordeal when before you could just walk out. The constant closing of kitchen cabinets and some doors around the house. But all that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when he is told to stop or not continued to do his routine and then I have to deal with the emotional breakdown that comes after.
So last night started when he wanted to turn a light out because I told him we were getting ready to go to sleep. But when I get back in the living room dad had something he was trying to do so the light had to be cut back on, and he took a while to cut it back on which caused a little tension. After that Jordan did not want to be in the same room as him. He cut off the light when it was time but went and sat in the dining room, in the dark. I finally got to do some routine with him to get him to come with me to lay down. We dose off and I wake up and go to put him in the bed. Each night before bed if I haven't heard him use the bathroom I will make him go. I know I gave him his green juice rather late so better be safe then sorry. Depending on his mood or how long he's slept, I don't know what the cause is, but sometimes he's more awake than others. So this time he was more alert, so he decided he wanted the fan on in his room. Being as though I was trying not to enable him like his dad says, I decided to go against him, which was stupid being as though I know the outcome, but I'm trying to keep a calm household between everyone here. Jordan starts to cry. Dad comes and asks Jordan if he wants to go in our room. Now Jordan is fine with that but wants me to come and he won't leave without me. So we head into the other room and the fan is on in there. So I'm thinking okay this will be fine. It wasn't fine. He kept whining talking about hands. Now I know hands means he wants to take your hand and go somewhere but I'm trying to teach him to say what he wants. So I explain to him I don't know what hands is, what do you want? He said I want hands. That made me smile briefly. But I asked him again and he said I want to get up. So I say okay let's go in your room. So getting him to lay down takes about 2 minutes instead of the few seconds it takes to cut the fan on and light off because he has to cut the light on, off, then on again. He does something with the VCR, cuts the light off, on, VCR, cuts the light off by the switch and turns the fan on and gets in bed. But it doesn't stop there. After he lays down he realizes he needs a tissue. Okay Jordan go get a tissue. So he goes to get a tissue, blows, flushes, turns water on, and finally gets in the bed. We go to sleep.
When I wake up and I think I can go get in my bed now. I need to hear the alarm to get me up. I should have just stayed where I was. Jordan woke up when I turned the fan off because it made noise slowing down. He went in the room with his middle sister so I though okay he can just stay in there, but he quickly called after me so we went in my room again. Another mistake. He had to use the bathroom, but I believe he went in at the same time as his dad. So he got to wash his hands, but probably not the way he wanted to. So he woke me up and asked to wash his hands and I told him go ahead. Dad tells him to lay down and I say he wants to wash his hands and he said he already did. So Jordan lays down, dad goes to sleep, I deal with the whining, laying on me, crying, asking to wash hands. It's about 5:50 in the morning and he has to be up in an hour. So I ask Jordan if he wants juice, he agrees to the juice so I figure with him rinsing his glass out, it will help curve the having to hear the water of washing his hands. Should have know better. When we go back upstairs he has to go to my bathroom to wash his hands. So you know what, I let him. It's about 6 and he wants to brush his teeth. I go ahead and get started with the day because it's no point in trying to get him to lay down for 45 minutes knowing he won't get any rest.
So for the first time I really feel alone in this. Dad has no idea what I deal with. He thinks because Jordan listens to daddy more that he won't make a big deal out of his routine being broken, when right now things seem to be getting worse, he is making a big deal of out of it and I'm the one catching the end of it. All the plans I had for today are ruined because I barely got any sleep and I'm totally pissed about my night. I know I can't stop, I won't stop, but damn I just want to stop. I can't keep getting pulled in two directions and neither of them giving in. And one of them not understanding this is a special needs child who doesn't understand giving in. And both oblivious as to how it affects me. I am about to be torn in two. I don't know if I can survive that.
No pictures today, just not in that kind of mood.
You see Jordan just finished his third round this past Sunday and because of the conflict I want to say this is the last. But to say this is it might keep him where he is with the OCD which has really become a problem, especially since yesterday. Leaving out the bathroom with him has become like a 5-10 second ordeal when before you could just walk out. The constant closing of kitchen cabinets and some doors around the house. But all that doesn't bother me. What bothers me is when he is told to stop or not continued to do his routine and then I have to deal with the emotional breakdown that comes after.
So last night started when he wanted to turn a light out because I told him we were getting ready to go to sleep. But when I get back in the living room dad had something he was trying to do so the light had to be cut back on, and he took a while to cut it back on which caused a little tension. After that Jordan did not want to be in the same room as him. He cut off the light when it was time but went and sat in the dining room, in the dark. I finally got to do some routine with him to get him to come with me to lay down. We dose off and I wake up and go to put him in the bed. Each night before bed if I haven't heard him use the bathroom I will make him go. I know I gave him his green juice rather late so better be safe then sorry. Depending on his mood or how long he's slept, I don't know what the cause is, but sometimes he's more awake than others. So this time he was more alert, so he decided he wanted the fan on in his room. Being as though I was trying not to enable him like his dad says, I decided to go against him, which was stupid being as though I know the outcome, but I'm trying to keep a calm household between everyone here. Jordan starts to cry. Dad comes and asks Jordan if he wants to go in our room. Now Jordan is fine with that but wants me to come and he won't leave without me. So we head into the other room and the fan is on in there. So I'm thinking okay this will be fine. It wasn't fine. He kept whining talking about hands. Now I know hands means he wants to take your hand and go somewhere but I'm trying to teach him to say what he wants. So I explain to him I don't know what hands is, what do you want? He said I want hands. That made me smile briefly. But I asked him again and he said I want to get up. So I say okay let's go in your room. So getting him to lay down takes about 2 minutes instead of the few seconds it takes to cut the fan on and light off because he has to cut the light on, off, then on again. He does something with the VCR, cuts the light off, on, VCR, cuts the light off by the switch and turns the fan on and gets in bed. But it doesn't stop there. After he lays down he realizes he needs a tissue. Okay Jordan go get a tissue. So he goes to get a tissue, blows, flushes, turns water on, and finally gets in the bed. We go to sleep.
When I wake up and I think I can go get in my bed now. I need to hear the alarm to get me up. I should have just stayed where I was. Jordan woke up when I turned the fan off because it made noise slowing down. He went in the room with his middle sister so I though okay he can just stay in there, but he quickly called after me so we went in my room again. Another mistake. He had to use the bathroom, but I believe he went in at the same time as his dad. So he got to wash his hands, but probably not the way he wanted to. So he woke me up and asked to wash his hands and I told him go ahead. Dad tells him to lay down and I say he wants to wash his hands and he said he already did. So Jordan lays down, dad goes to sleep, I deal with the whining, laying on me, crying, asking to wash hands. It's about 5:50 in the morning and he has to be up in an hour. So I ask Jordan if he wants juice, he agrees to the juice so I figure with him rinsing his glass out, it will help curve the having to hear the water of washing his hands. Should have know better. When we go back upstairs he has to go to my bathroom to wash his hands. So you know what, I let him. It's about 6 and he wants to brush his teeth. I go ahead and get started with the day because it's no point in trying to get him to lay down for 45 minutes knowing he won't get any rest.
So for the first time I really feel alone in this. Dad has no idea what I deal with. He thinks because Jordan listens to daddy more that he won't make a big deal out of his routine being broken, when right now things seem to be getting worse, he is making a big deal of out of it and I'm the one catching the end of it. All the plans I had for today are ruined because I barely got any sleep and I'm totally pissed about my night. I know I can't stop, I won't stop, but damn I just want to stop. I can't keep getting pulled in two directions and neither of them giving in. And one of them not understanding this is a special needs child who doesn't understand giving in. And both oblivious as to how it affects me. I am about to be torn in two. I don't know if I can survive that.
No pictures today, just not in that kind of mood.
