Lately my family (my husband, our girls, our son, and my brother) have been interacting with each other.....a lot. We all just gravitate to a room and play or talk about various things, events, or share stories that have happened to us throughout our lives. The night before last we brought up a dance our middle daughter used to do when she was about 3 or 4 and wanted her to do it again. Because she wouldn't we pulled out a video of when I caught her doing it. We watched it but also watched other different occasions when Jordan was about 1 on up to about 2 or 3.
It was really fun to watch him play around, fall asleep while eating, etc. Seeing how such a fat boy he was at that time, all the cute little outfits he had and remembering the toys he used to love and some he still have. We watched him mock his dad while he was vacuuming, Jordan pulled out his popcorn popper and started pushing it around as well. It also reminded us how we had to barricade him from the TV and video game station with a child gate. But we also caught the first glimpses of his little quirks we have now known to be symptoms of autism. Like when he would jump because a wind up toy would bounce on the table. Or when the washing machine was in the spin cycle he would lean his head up against it and his upper body would shake uncontrollably. Those things were kind of cute then, but now not so much.
Jordan used to say bye bye and once I remember him saying thank you to me when I handed him a cup of juice. It was like yesterday. I though it was so sweet because he was laying with his dad, tucked the cup under his arm and said "thank you" then proceeded to drink. It was probably the last time I heard him speak at that age. Even though Jordan can speak now, sometimes without prompting, he's still pretty much the same child in those home movies. The same little boy that when something on TV catches his attention he will watch until it's over and then go on about his business. Same little boy that jumps at things that excite him. Same little boy who can't converse with me like he should at his age. Same little boy, from age 1 to age 8.
Almost 9 years I have watched my baby grow and make me happy. When he comes to ask for food on his own, or when he comes to me saying help please or "mommy yes" when he wants me. He calls me and says what my response will be. But actually seeing the past has actually made me think. I don't like to speak like this because we are all supposed to look at how far God has brought you and not how you haven't quite reached where you want to be. But the flesh has me a little upset right now about why I didn't want to believe, didn't do anything sooner, and mostly didn't do anything to prevent it. I'm thankful for where he is today. If it had not been for the therapies and treatments I am doing today who knows where he would be. Because I know of some older kids with autism that are COMPLETELY non-verbal. So I don't think it's something that's just come along "with age". I just wish I wasn't so stupidly blinded back then. I had my first boy, that I wanted all my life, and didn't do what I needed to do, which was pay attention to the signs and get early intervention.
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| First Baptist Church of Glenarden |
But that's all over and done with now and as much as we don't understand His ways, I know that's how it was supposed to happen. Because if Jordan didn't have his diagnoses of autism I wouldn't be able to help those who needed the help like I did back then, and I don't know where my relationship would be with God right now. I was a service attender every now and then. I enjoyed my pastors lessons so much that I even joined in 2006. But I wasn't doing everything that I should have done as a child of God and a church member. It took my family not being able to attend together because of his disability to think maybe I should start a ministry within the church that could accommodate children like him. I found out there was one already in place. The ministry (F.B.C.G.'s Special Needs Ministry) and the members within it lit the fire that was in me to help out where I could within the church, attend church regularly, tithe and watch bible study (I want to attend but it's hard to get evenings to myself when I have to do so much for Jordan.) The way Jordan is has helped me tremendously and even though I would have loved for him to be a "normal" boy throughout his whole live, I wouldn't have it any other way.
Thank you Jordan.
Thank you God!
